My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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