We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize