we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize