Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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