My nipple is on Facebook.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
