Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
