i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
