my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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