I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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