I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
