Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
