I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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