How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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