he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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