i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
