I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize