She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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