I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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