you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
