She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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