maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
