do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
