and you said cock pushups were impossible
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize