My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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