Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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