There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
