And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
