if only i could text you this smell
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
