Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
