So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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