I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
