Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
