his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
