Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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