my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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