Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
