They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
