seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
