hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
