So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
