My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
