My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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