I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
