We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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