HIV tests are more positive than that guy
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
