I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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