I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
