Me. At least after what I've been through.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
