I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
