My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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