so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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