the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
