I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize