we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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