dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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