Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
