I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
