You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
