i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
