I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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