that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
