good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
