How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
