Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
