I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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