u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
