Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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