'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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