I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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