bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just found a bag of teeth...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
