Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
