o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
