I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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