Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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