I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
two words: eviction party
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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