think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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