WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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