doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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