Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
