i don't like sucking hair
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
