but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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