Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
