Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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