He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
