I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
false alarm, still single
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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