and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
