I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
