ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
