I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
