I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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