Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
