she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
