I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize