Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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