You can't special order awesome
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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